Pedal Pedal.

The park was never the destination.

My son and I recently went on a bike ride. He just got a brand-new bike, a Hot Wheels-themed “race bike” as he calls it. Now, every day, “Daddy, let’s go race!” The best things in life are free…

It was around the third or fourth ride that we decided to take on a longer ride. Instead of the usual mile or two, we were going for three. Our target? A park he had seen in a neighborhood close to home.

The beginning of the ride went well. He was keeping up with me; we were talking about all the things we saw along the way. It was one of those times where you recognize you are making a core memory and cherishing every moment.

As we rode along the bike path, he began to fall behind. Not because he was incapable, but because he was on a small bike doing his best to “pedal pedal,” as we call it. I slowed to match his pace, stopping a couple of times so he could catch up.

We arrived at the park, despite his pleas telling me we were going the wrong way. We played for a while, and then off we went. This is when I began to realize that this was much more than a bike ride.

PATIENCE

On the ride back, he was barely moving. I got frustrated at first, telling him he needed to pedal so he could keep up. Eventually, getting off my bike altogether and walking. Noticing that I was still gaining distance from him, frustration welled up inside.

My first thought was to tell him to hurry, get going; we have to get home. I gently told him a couple of times, “pedal pedal, buddy!” reminding him we needed to be home before sunset.

At one point he looked up at me from his efforts, and I realized I was wrong. I was so very wrong. He was enjoying the experience. It was never that he did not have the effort to keep up, or the desire to pedal. He was enjoying himself.

He stopped to smell the flowers. Check out bushes he had never seen before. He even collected a couple of blades of grass he thought were neat. In that moment, I felt frustrated and just wanted to get home. But the moment was much bigger than that.

As I walked along, I realized something. I was focused on the destination; he was focused on the experience. It was my expectations impeding the experience. His experience.

CORE MEMORIES

As a parent, I am hyperaware of the time spent with my children. From what I say, to how I behave, even the way I interact with the world around me. I am laying the foundation for how my kids will understand the world. No small task.

I had taken a moment in time that was special to him and rushed it. I had been a rain cloud when I should have been sunshine.

This walk we all share, called life, is interesting. Sometimes you are fortunate enough to realize your mistake as you are making it, and other times, you only see it after the fact. Here, I had recognized it in both.

I reflected on that experience that evening. Being careful to tell him how thankful I was for the ride and how much fun I had. Apologizing to him for rushing and reassuring him that I wanted to do it again.

It was a learning experience. There is no manual on raising children. Some days, I wish there were. But it really comes down to being aware enough in the moment to recognize that not everything is the way you expected it to be.

And sometimes, that is the entire point.

PRESENCE

The most important aspect of my existence is being present and loving with my kids. Yes, I am a father and leader first, and that carries responsibilities. Expectations. A duty to raise them and teach them honor, courage, commitment, integrity, and respect.

But sometimes, we need to recognize that we need to be the student, not the teacher. The leader screamed, “c’mon man, keep up!” The father in me appreciated the moment. It is deciding which voice is the loudest that makes the memory.

Here, the leader took over at first. And the father followed, nurturing and reassuring. But it was important to realize that the father should have been the loudest voice first.

LOVE

We are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. The important thing is to recognize that learning never stops. A mistake today carries a lesson for tomorrow. I know now that next time I will be patient, kind, and understanding of his experience. Walk in love, not in expectation.

Through this, I recognized the universal lesson. Expectations prevent us from appreciating the experience we are already having.

The experience reminded me of all the times in my life when I felt frustrated. Many times, experiences in the field as a photographer. In those moments, I experienced frustration because I failed to notice what was directly in front of me.

I focused on what I wanted. What I expected. Realizing that the experience itself is what matters most. The gentle smile of my son riding his bike. How the sun glistens from a waterfall. Each enjoyed for the sake of the beauty of that moment.

Sometimes we are so focused on where we are going that we cannot appreciate where we are. The things we are trying to teach our children are so often the very things that they are trying to teach us.

God Bless.